Grade eight was tough for me. My family moved back to Ottawa, Canada from Frankfurt, Germany. My former friends made fun of my glasses, my school bag (“Bag lady”), even how my pals and I killed them at broomball (“Battle axe!”).
I thought they were losers.
I only had one more year until I got to a much bigger and better school. High school. If I could tough it out, I’d never have to talk to these people again.
Most of the girls cried on the night of our eighth grade graduation. I couldn’t wait to escape.
So even though I know high school sucked for many, I loved meeting more evolved classmates (including the guy I’d eventually marry) and trying out everything from dancing to math competitions.
I try to include everyone now. My kids didn’t understand why I had them invite the whole class to their birthday parties for years.
But they’re pretty confident. Witness the pic of my daughter with the axe she and her dad created for Hallowe’en, when she dressed up as Holga from Dungeons & Dragons.
Mostly I’m not lonely now, but when I joined a national virtual group to work out, I noticed many of them had splintered off into tiny subgroups. Like the Mindy Kaling book says, Is everyone hanging out without me?
One day, I came uncharacteristically early to work out, and a woman invited me to her group. Even though we’re in different time zones and I get the feeling that some of the other group members find me quite odd, this new friend kept tabs on me and everyone else, laughing, asking about us and our offspring by name, and always keeping us on track.
I later understand that she had what CliftonStrengths calls inclusiveness and individualization: she brings us together, and she sees each one of us instead of considering the group an undifferentiated mass.
And what a gift that is.
Today I raise a glass to the inclusive ones. Love you, R, Wake, Melanie, and Madeleine.
I also need to be a better book mom. The print link for Sugar and Vice is now working at Amazon. I feel pretty bad about not catching the problem until now, but I’m trying to forgive myself for imperfection. Please let me know about any bobbles. It should now work at all retailers here.
Thanks and cheers,
Melissa
it wasn't until university that i really felt like i was among kindreds. someone once pointed out that the only thing we have in common with those we are in school with is our location. it was really refreshing to get to university and meet folks from all over the world, of all ages and interests. i adore this photo of your child with an axe.
I can relate! An unsettled childhood meant I was always the new kid in the class. I'm so glad you are a Mme of Mayhem!!